Fwd: Human Brain! Why?

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         Mahesh

Fwd: Rules of men!

Rules of men:

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side, now here are the rules from the male side:

These are our rules!

Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.  Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1.  You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1.  Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...

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         Mahesh

Useful advice to women.

Please pass it on.

1) What should a woman do if she finds herself alone in the company of a strange
male as she prepares to enter a lift in a high-rise apartment late at night?

Experts Say: Enter the lift. If you need to reach the 13th floor, press
all the buttons up to your destination. No one will dare attack you in a lift that stops on every floor.


2) What to do if a stranger tries to attack you when you are alone in your
house, run into the kitchen.

Experts Say: You alone know where the chili powder and turmeric are kept.
And where the knives and plates are. All these can be turned into deadly
weapons. If nothing else, start throwing plates and utensils all over.
Let them break. Scream. Remember that noise is the greatest enemy of a
molester. He does not want to be caught.

3} Taking an Auto or Taxi at Night.

Experts Say: Before getting into an auto at night, note down its registration
number. Then use the mobile to call your family or friend and pass on the
details to them in the language the driver understands .Even if no one
answers your call, pretend you are in a conversation. The driver now knows
someone has his details and he will be in serious trouble if anything goes
wrong. He is now bound to take you home safe and sound. A potential attacker
is now your de facto protector!

4}What if the driver turns into a street he is not supposed to - and you
feel you are entering a danger zone?

Experts Say: Use the handle of your purse or your stole (dupatta) to wrap
around his neck and pull him back. Within seconds, he will feel choked
and helpless. In case you don't have a purse or stole just pull him back
by his collar. The top button of his shirt would then do the same trick.

5} If you are stalked at night.

Expert Say: enter a shop or a house and explain your predicament.
If it is night and shops are not open, go inside an ATM box. ATM centers
always have security guards. They are also monitored by close circuit television.
Fearing identification, no one will dare attack you.

After all, being mentally alert is the greatest weapon you can ever have.

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         Mahesh

Some joke

Girlfriend: Hey

Boyfriend: Who's Hey?, don't ever call
me back.

Girlfriend: Sorry! My Love, how are
you doing??

Boyfriend: I'm Fine! And You??

Girlfriend: I'm fine, but I need
something from you..

Boyfriend: What???

Girlfriend: Sweetie please could you
SEND me 15k?

Boyfriend: 15k for what??

Girlfriend: 5k for my clothes, 7k for
my hair+nails and 3k for my shoes.

Boyfriend: Aww sure my love, here..
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k ,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k .
count
it, its complete and take this extra 2k.
k,k that's for your perfume. :) :p :D=))

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         Mahesh