Fwd: Jokes

Things you don't wanna hear in operation theater:

• "Bonzo! Come back with that! Bad dog!"
• "Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"
• "Oh no, I just lost my watch".
• "Oops. Has anyone survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
• "You know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them".
• "Everybody stand back – I lost my contact lens".
• "Could you stop that thing from thumping? It's throwing my concentration off".
• "That's cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?"
• "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses .."
• "This patient has already had some kids, right?"
• "What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?"
• ".. and now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape".
• "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy".

Nautical Joke

This is the transcript of the actual conversation of a US naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995 - radio conversation released by Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change YOUR course 15 degrees north. That's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be taken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

Funniest Joke in the world

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods, when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead. What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead". There is silence; then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"


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         Mahesh